


Here For You

by widdlewed



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Angst, Comforting, Dark Theme, Fear of Death, Gen, Mentions of Suicide, Platonic Relationships, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Talk of Dying, Talk of Suicide, tsuna is a bit insensitive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 14:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12459897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/widdlewed/pseuds/widdlewed
Summary: Tsuna decides to finally talk to Yamamoto about the incident on the roof, a topic which everyone seemed to sweep under the rug. Yamamoto never really got to talk about it, either.





	Here For You

**Author's Note:**

> This story is emotional and has mentions of suicide, talks of attempting suicide, and depression. Please, if you feel like you need to talk, please talk to someone. Either a family member, a friend, even a complete stranger on a hotline who won't judge you. Please don't bottle anything up and keep to yourself - I am here for you. Your loved ones are here for you. 
> 
> I love you. Stay safe. Please enjoy this story to the best you can?

They were settled in Yamamoto’s room, Tsuna sitting quietly next to Yamamoto. Yamamoto was fishing through his crumpled papers, looking for the homework Tsuna had offered to try and help him with (something both knew would end with horrible grades and even lower self-esteem). 

 

“Why did you try?” Tsuna asked suddenly. 

 

“Found it! Wait, what?” Yamamoto dropped the papers, turning to Tsuna with a blink. “Try what?” 

 

“Jump,” Tsuna said, turning serious eyes to Yamamoto. It had been a question Tsuna had been wanting to ask since the day it happened. Everyone had brushed it off as if it wasn’t something so shell-shocking. Reborn, Gokudera, his own mother - when he had tried to bring the subject up of what had happened, they’d change the subject or act like it was insignificant. 

 

Yamamoto froze up, his smile turning empty with a beat of silence. The two stared silently at each other, faint exhales being the only sound in the room.

 

“What-what brought this on?” Yamamoto tried to laugh, looking to the discarded papers. 

 

“Because I care about you and I’ve never heard anything about what happened after. What-what was going through your head? To decide to jump?” Tsuna fiddled with his hands, his voice cracking. Yamamoto slumped his shoulders, as if the question had settled a heavy weight along his soul. Tsuna felt his heart ache for his friend. 

 

“I-I really don’t want to talk about it,” Yamamoto spoke, trying to give a small laugh at the end of his sentence to lighten the mood. “Sorry.” 

 

Had he ever talked about it? Had he ever had anyone to talk about it, besides his father? Tsuna inhaled a faint breath at the thought of Yamamoto having no one to confide in. Had his father ever taken him to talk to someone? A counselor? A therapist? A psychiatrist? A psychologist? Anyone to further help him in preventing this from happening again? 

 

Tsuna shook his head rapidly, grabbing ahold of Yamamoto’s hand as he tried to silence the questions running rampant in his head. He squeezed tightly, his fingers going white with how strong he was gripping. Yamamoto winced. 

 

“It’s-it’s scary. Dying is scary,” Tsuna whispered, not meeting Yamamoto’s darkening gaze as he blinked tears away from his vision. “I-I hate the idea of dying one day, of just everything - end-ending, y’know? You-you just...stop being. I-I hate it. It keeps me awake at night sometimes, when I come to the sudden realization that we are all going to die one day. In those split seconds of getting shot by the Dying Will Bullet, I-I feel it. Or don’t feel it, rather. I-I die, in those two or three seconds. And-and it’s scary. I-I can’t explain it. I’m just terrified of dying and-and you just-you just…” Tsuna gave a shuddering breath, letting go of Yamamoto’s hand as if he had been burned. 

 

Yamamoto just stared. 

 

“I-I know this isn’t something I should probably say to you, to anyone who-who has been where you’ve been, but - but,-” Tsuna wiped at his face with his sleeve, leaving angry red marks - “I just can’t help but wonder. I-I know you probably don’t even need to hear this, but you-you are loved. Why-why did you think jumping off the school roof was the way out?” 

 

Yamamoto turned his head, slowly, away from Tsuna and stared unblinkingly at the adjacent wall. Yamamoto’s eyes trained, unseeing, onto the poster of his favorite baseball player.

 

“It wasn’t something I had planned,” Yamamoto spoke, his voice flat. “It wasn’t something I had been sitting on since I had broken my arm. It had just happened, honestly.” Yamamoto rubbed at his arm, massaging his bicep muscle. Tsuna sniffled, keeping quiet as Yamamoto heaved a deep sigh. He sounded as if he didn't know how to put the event into words. Yamamoto was drowning in what to say and so he grasped at any support to keep himself afloat. 

 

“That day, someone said something. I forgot who - I think it was just a comment by a classmate not meant for me to hear. But - I dunno, it just seemed to click something for me in my mind. I - I knew, logically, that it was just a broken bone. It’d heal. But...my muscle wouldn’t have been the same. My pitch would have been weaker, probably never the same. I-I dunno, it just seemed like the end of the world. I’ve always been seen as the baseball champion. Everyone looked up to me for my athletic abilities. Breaking my arm just seemed to cement the suspicions I’ve had about my classmates - none of them were really my friends. I didn’t really have any friends, not before I met you and Gokudera-kun.” 

 

Yamamoto twiddled his thumbs together, staring at the floorboards of his room. 

 

“What was said?” Tsuna finally spoke. Yamamoto stilled, tilting his head to the side. He closed his eyes, giving a faint, bitter smile. 

 

“‘Yamamoto-kun broke his arm? What the hell, now you guys aren’t going to win. He ruined your chances to win’.” Yamamoto gave a wheeze of a laugh, squeezing his hands together. “I don’t know why, but that just seemed to clear my mind. It was like the noise had been cut off and all I could hear was static. In that moment, I felt like - like I had lost my purpose to live. If all I was good for was baseball and I had lost that, then what was the point of living? I don’t know, I just thought it was the best option in that moment. It was my exit.” Yamamoto bowed his head. 

 

Tsuna touched his shoulder and Yamamoto fell sideways into Tsuna, angling his body to burrow his face into Tsuna’s chest. Tsuna wrapped his arms around Yamamoto’s shoulders and clung to him as Yamamoto inhaled sharply. 

 

If Tsuna felt any sudden wetness seeping into his shirt, he didn’t say anything. 

 

“I didn’t think of my dad,” Yamamoto whispered, as if he were confessing a sin. “Not until after you had saved me. It- it was just all static. I was determined to jump, y’know. I just - I didn’t think I could find happiness after my arm healed. I didn’t think it was possible for there to be a ‘after’ after I broke my arm. It was my constant and then I lost it.” Tsuna ran a hand through Yamamoto’s spikes. 

 

“I was scared.” Yamamoto’s voice was muffled against Tsuna’s shirt. “After you saved me and I remembered my dad. How much it’d have hurt him if he lost me too. It-it sunk it that I had been about to die. I-I immediately regretted it, y’know. Like, right after I fell and you saved me, I thought, ‘I’m about to die. This - this isn’t worth dying!’.” Yamamoto tilted his head up to stare at Tsuna with watery eyes and a red nose. Tsuna craned his neck, letting their foreheads touch. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Tsuna whispered. “Sorry you felt like that. Sorry it got to that point. Sorry you didn’t have any true friends at that time. Sorry everyone around you, including me, didn’t realize the pressure you were putting on yourself. I wish you hadn’t had to suffer like that, Yamamoto-kun. I wish you didn’t have to experience that.” Teardrops pattered against Yamamoto’s cheeks and chin as Tsuna tried to stop his own crying. 

 

“I love you,” Tsuna whispered and gripped his friend closer to him. “You are one of my best friends. I ache knowing you felt that alone. I ache knowing you felt that lost, that desperate. I’m always here for you, Yamamoto-kun. Never forget that. I’m glad you are alive. I’m glad you didn’t die. I’m glad I got to know you and come to cherish you.” 

 

Yamamoto gripped tightly onto Tsuna, burying his face into his friend’s shirt as he openly sobbed. Tsuna hid his face in Yamamoto’s hair, clinging tightly to the taller teen. 

 

A creak in the floorboard had Tsuna lifting his head up slightly to see Tsuyoshi peeking in from the crack of Yamamoto’s door. The two made eye contact before Tsuyoshi backed up silently. 

Tsuna nudged his face back into place against Yamamoto's hair and breathed in, allowing his eyes to close against the smell of musk and sweat from hours spent practicing baseball.

 

"I'm here for you," Tsuna whispered once more. Would whisper many more times until it was burned into Yamamoto's very being that he wasn't alone, would never be alone. 

**Author's Note:**

> This story is personal for me.
> 
> So last week my husband's best friend (who was also a close friend of mine) killed himself.
> 
> As weird as this sounds, writing this helped me a bit with his passing. Honestly, I kinda wrote Tsuna as me with what I wished I could have said to our friend. His passing was sudden and we will never forget him. 
> 
> Please, if you ever need to talk, I am here. I care about you. Stay safe. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.


End file.
